Young delta heart

I found this today.

This morning whilst eating my breakfast I was trying to log into tumblr on my phone to see if there were any updates from my friends (yeah I forgot about the app) and I logged into the wrong account; it was an account I had a while back and no longer use.

I came across a post that was marked as private, I read it and it made me laugh .. I used to have a problem, I still have a smaller problems but man I've lightened up a whole bunch.

Anyway, I thought I'd publish it here for your amusement; I can see where that guy was coming from but I'm glad the current incarnation of "myself" is more concerned with just breathing in and out.

Enjoy! The remaining copy is copied and pasted without any editing I've added some edit quotes at the bottom where my rambling made no sense — ed.

These day's I really wonder if the internet is good for my mental health.

I spend a too much time worrying about how I am perceived and it's pretty much a negative experience. An additional problem is that my profession requires that I am online, which throws all sorts of risks into the mix. The social web has turned nearly everything into a popularity contest, so while I'm doing my shopping online I can connect with other shoppers, and see whether my shopping habits are better than my peers or make friends with other people who like to buy organic toothbrushes.

Ok maybe I can't do that, but its not far off from the kinda crap 'social networking' gets thrown into simply because it can be done.

Maybe I shouldn't be so narcissistic, or introspective but that is also a defining part of who I am - the self obsessive flaw makes me continually do things to try and make myself less mediocre. A trait that is often destructive both on and offline, but normally I come across a lot better in real life or at least I can poke at the underlying context of where I'm coming from, even if the people around me don't get on with my behaviour or viewpoints.

I can't do this online, and I've tried and tried to the point where I self edit to the point where I'm bland and boring as fuck. This in turn frustrates me, and I'll probably have some weak reaction to the situation, much like this dribble.

A lot of the time I'm confused why certain people seem to flourish online, whereas I'd would have thought they would struggle in so called real life. I'm not an overly easy person to get on with anyway, I'm pretty obtuse - so forgive me if I seems like I'm saying 'hey im a good guy, why are all these nonses getting head online and not me' - that's missing my point.

My main point is, if we are living in such a social revolution, how come its bloody hard to convey the same kinda social interactions online that exist in real life? I've met some people online, that in real life try and interact with me like we are still online - its easy to snub people online, and its easy to let someone down - you aren't tied into the same kinda spacial and logistic consequences that you are when it comes down to physical contact.

ed — This next sentence doesn't make sense .. I'll add after what I think I meant.

Is it true, that unless people - who quite like traditional social contact - are fucked if we don't learn how to convey a decent personality online, or do we just bumble along and see what happens?

Is it true that we (people who quite like traditional social contact) are fucked if we don't learn how to convey a convincing personality online, or do we just bumble along and see what happens?

Self preservation is a hard thing anyway, but how do I do it online? And quickly.